Sensory Regulation: Understanding Behavior Through a Connection-First Lens

At Oak Bloom OT, we believe one of the most important shifts adults can make is changing how we understand children’s behavior.

When a child is throwing objects, leaving the group during circle time, refusing to sit for dinner, or melting down during transitions, they are communicating something important. Behavior is communication.

As Dr. Ross Greene reminds us: “Kids do well if they can.” And as Dr. Becky Kennedy so powerfully says: “Assume a child is a good kid having a hard time, not a bad kid doing bad things.”

These perspectives capture the heart of how we view so-called “maladaptive” behaviors. Our role is not to punish communication, but to help children learn more adaptive ways to express their needs.

Anytime there is maladaptive behavior (e.g., throwing, screaming, crying, calling names, destroying objects or property), parents, caregivers, teachers, and staff need to see what happened with the child right before the behavior occurred. This is called the antecedent. It is the trigger that caused the initial response in the brain and body. Sometimes the antecedent isn't always clear. If you have a child who is having a hard time at school or something is weighing on them, a tiny trigger can result in a big behavior or emotional dysregulation. 

Commonly, screens can be a trigger for children, especially those with ADHD and autism. Screen time needs to be carefully managed in these individuals. We have more resources on this here.

Seeing Behavior Through an Occupational Therapy Lens

Every profession looks at behavior a little differently. As occupational therapists, we view behavior through the lens of sensory processing and regulation.

Often, what we see is not a child who won’t behave, but a child who doesn’t yet have the skills to filter, process, or respond to sensory input in a social-emotional context. Their nervous system may be overwhelmed, under-stimulated, or struggling to organize incoming information.

A child who is dysregulated may need tools, not just consequences, to help them return to a state where learning, connection, and growth are possible. That’s where occupational therapy can help. We support children by teaching both children and caregivers sensory and emotional regulation strategies so that children can access their full potential.

Relationship & Regulation First: The Foundation of Regulation

Our Occupational Therapy practice is built on relationships and regulation. 

Before learning can happen, before skills can develop, there must be trust. Trust is built through connection, doing regulating activities through meaningful occupation. Get to know a child by listening to them, observing them, following their lead, and spending intentional one-on-one time together. What drives them, motivates them, what lights them up, what makes them smile or laugh? That's your in to get their buy-in to do hard things.

When a child trusts you, they are far more willing to try hard things. That trust becomes the scaffold for their growth. 

As educators and caregivers, our role is to provide a structure that children can build upon. Goals can be writing their name, sitting through a meal, or meeting an educational objective. Every goal is best achieved through a foundation of connection and regulation that makes them feel safe to push the limits of their comfort zone.

Supporting Children Who Are Having a Hard Time

Supporting regulation involves three key elements:

• Sensory regulation strategies or tools

• Emotional regulation strategies

• Loving limits that create safety and accountability

Becoming a Sensory Detective

As we build relationships, we also learn to observe children closely.

Early signs of sensory overwhelm may include:

• Tensing shoulders

• Wincing at sounds

• Avoiding group activities

• Leaving the room or refusing participation

These cues often appear before challenging behavior. By noticing patterns, such as the time of day, activity type, environment, we gain insight into what dysregulates or supports a child.

The Eight Sensory Systems

Most people are familiar with the five senses: sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell. In occupational therapy, we also focus on three additional systems:

Proprioception

Proprioception is the body’s sense of position and force. It helps us know where our body is in space and how much pressure to use.

Children with proprioceptive challenges may:

• Bump into others or furniture

• Hug too hard

• Break pencils from pressing too firmly

• Struggle with body awareness in line or group settings

Proprioceptive input is often calming. Examples include heavy work, climbing, carrying, pushing, pulling, or deep pressure.

Vestibular Input

The vestibular system lives in the inner ear and responds to movement and head position. It plays a big role in alertness and attention.

Some children seek vestibular input constantly. Examples of this are: spinning, rocking, and leaving their seat. Sensory overstimulation from vestibular input is also common. Those children avoid movement due to sensitivities in vestibular input.

Providing appropriate vestibular input (swings, balance activities, playground time) can help regulate energy levels and attention.

Interoception

Interoception is the internal sense that helps us recognize hunger, thirst, pain, emotions, and body signals. Strengthening interoceptive awareness through mindfulness and slowing down helps children better understand and respond to their internal cues. The result of noticing the feeling in the body from dysregulation they can have better skills to address the discomfort before it becomes a sensory overwhelming experience for them. Then the behavior from the sensory overwhelm can follow the discomfort in their body.  

Sensory Strategies in the Classroom and Home

Many children benefit from a sensory diet—a personalized plan of sensory activities built into their day.

Examples include:

• Wall push-ups

• Chair bands

• Movement breaks

• Chewing tools

• Sensory kits with fidgets

• Calming corners

Sensory input can also be adjusted by modifying the environment. Lighting, noise levels, visual clutter, or adjusting the seating placement can be helpful strategies.

Emotional Regulation: Teaching Skills, Not Suppressing Feelings

Emotional regulation involves helping children:

• Identify emotions

• Recognize body cues

• Learn coping tools

We use many evidence-based curricula, including Zones of Regulation, The Alert Program, The Spot of Emotion, Go Zen, The Big Life Journal and The Incredible 5-Point Scale.

Movement is one of the most effective regulation tools, often paired with environmental changes like going outside or switching locations.

Children can benefit from validation with co-regulation and attunement to their emotions with calm presence is often more effective than telling a child to “calm down.” Instead, try saying, "I hear you.” “It sounds like [fill in the blank] must be really frustrating.” Model taking a deep breath. Which will be calming to you too. Note that validation alone is not enough. There needs to be skill development and tools for managing big feelings.

Loving Limits and Affirmative Language

Empathy and boundaries can coexist.

Instead of focusing on what not to do, use affirmative language that clearly states expectations. Discipline, at its root, means to teach.

Children need:

• Clear limits

• Predictable consequences

• Supportive adults who remain regulated themselves

  • Note that it is not always possible to stay regulated. If you feel overwhelmed with emotion, it is ok to take a break. 

Sensory input should never be withheld as punishment. For many children, movement is essential to move through emotions and prevent maladaptive behavior.

Preventing Challenging Behavior

Prevention starts with connection:

• One-on-one time  

  • Do occupations that are meaningful to them 

  • Follow their lead in play

• Emotional check-ins 

  • Attune to their emotional needs

• Reflective listening

  • Repeat back to them what you hear them saying or give feedback in words, what they are expressing with their body language

• Neutral, objective observations

  • Gather information without judgment, and we can uncover what’s happening beneath the surface.

• Setting expectations for pushing beyond their comfort zone

  • Provide the structure for how, why, and when to push

Predictability, Routines, and Expectations

Children feel safer when they know what to expect. Establishing routines and expectations can reduce dysregulation.

Helpful tools include:

• Visual timers

  • Set a timer for how long to do an uncomfortable task

• Auditory cues

  • “Do two more ____ and we will be all done”

• Movement-based transitions

  • “Crawl like a cat to get your shoes on”; “Stomp like a dinosaur to walk with me to the car.”

• Consistent prompting

  • “Look behind you when you leave the room to see if you got everything.”

Priming children for transitions by explaining what’s coming next, how long it will last, and what tools are available helps them mentally prepare. When children can “see the picture” of what’s ahead, frustration decreases.

Partnering With Parents and Schools

Supporting a child often means supporting the adults around them.

When concerns arise, it’s helpful to:

• Share observed patterns of behavior (e.g., difficulty with transitions)

• Discuss the tools and strategies that help them regulate

• Collaborate with teachers and caregivers to see what works best for the child in other environments

• Consider the school environments and supports available to the child

  • Decisions around IEPs, 504 plans, class size, school setting, and support systems are deeply individual and deserve thoughtful consideration.

A Final Thought

Working with sensitive, neurodivergent children requires a paradigm shift. It requires a bit more observation and care to understand the causes of behavior, the antecedent, their triggers, and what regulation strategies may be most helpful for that child. 

At Oak Bloom OT, we believe children thrive when they feel safe, understood, and supported. With connection, meaningful activities, and the right tools, regulation, and growth, so they can bloom into their full potential becomes possible.